English Writing german speakers – Part 3
In last week’s post, we looked at verbal style as the mainstay of English writing. We saw a technique to help you transform noun-laden sentences into verb-driven sentences. This week, we’ll explore what verbal style does to your choices of subjects. But first as a warm-up, I have a goofy exercise for you.
Take out a pen and paper. I want you to scroll down to the GIF below and quickly write down a single sentence describing what you see. Don’t take more than 30 seconds for this—simply write whatever sentence first comes to mind.
Pen and paper ready?...
Click to open the GIF
Now I’m going to show you a second GIF, and I want you to do the exact same thing.
Click to open the GIF
What did you write for the first GIF? When I do this exercise in workshops, people inevitably write something like:
“A man swings a hammer to hit a wall, but the hammer’s head slips off and flies through the wall.”
And for the second GIF, here's a typical response:
“A car pulls up a treehouse with a rope, but the treehouse then falls over again.”
The point of this exercise is to give you a peek into how your brain works. When you simply observe something happening, with no time to invent abstractions and stories, you notice two key things: the main actions and the main characters—who does what.
Characters
man
hammer
head
car
treehouse
Actions
swing
slip off
fly
pull
fall
The meaning of “action” is clear enough: it is the word that best depicts the dynamism and movement of the scene. But what about “character”?*
When you watch a film, you can easily name the main characters. When you read a well-written text, it should be just as easy to name the main people or things that the text is about. They are the characters, protagonists, agents, doers—call them what you like. And they should become the grammatical subjects of your sentences.
If you write a lot about people, then choose humans as your character subjects. If you’re in a technical field, think about the things and phenomena that do something in your everyday work. A lawyer might talk about defendants and plaintiffs, an automotive engineer about chassis and drive chains, a software architect about structure and code, and an entrepreneur about markets and investors.
For any one of those character subjects, you could easily rattle off a list of actions that those people or things can do. A drive chain engages with the axle and propels a car forward. A market might boom one year but plummet the next. Whatever your field, here’s the key:
Make your grammar correspond to reality.
This means following the natural, who’s-doing-what style that came out of the GIF exercise above. We perceive the world mainly through our eyes. Try to write in a way that your reader immediately visualizes what’s going on with little effort. Have your words set off a virtual GIF in your reader’s mind. The way to do this is by using characters as your subjects and vibrant actions as your verbs.
Why is this an important lesson for German speakers in particular? First, as I discussed last week, German is a predominantly noun-driven language. The German linguaculture tends to exalt nominal style and put down the verbal style shown here. Second, German has the unique and charming ability to create infinitely long noun phrases. Among those that landed in my inbox this week were a message about “eine rechtzeitliche, verbindliche Terminvereinbarung” and an invitation to present at a few "Erstsemestereinführungsveranstaltungen." Then there’s one of my regular favorites: “Die von Ihnen gewählte Rufnummer…”
Not only can German speakers form noun phrases like these, but they appear to enjoy it. It seems to be a playful competition to see who can create the longest, most creative noun phrase—a national pastime up there with figuring out the Steuerabzugsfähigkeit of every euro spent.
If we revisit our second GIF above, it's certainly possible to describe what we see in a highly nominal style:
“The attempt by the car to erect the treehouse is hindered by the fact that its equilibrium once upright is unstable, causing its subsequent falling to the opposite side.”
This kind of phrasing takes much more effort to understand. Simply put, it is difficult to visualize. Many writers are tempted to write this way, either because they are trying to sound sophisticated or they suffer from the "curse of knowledge"—meaning that they're such experts in the field that they forget how to explain things to non-experts.
But since 90% of your readers will not be experts, it's better to get into the habit of writing in verbal style—who does what. Your readers are potential clients: the better they understand you, the more they'll trust you.
*I’ve borrowed this term "character subjects" from the eminent writing critic Joseph Williams.
